The Graceful Bride | A Joyful Wedding Day Experience

Preparation

How you prepare for your wedding day will depend on your personal style. Some of us are more global thinkers. We tend to see the big picture more than the details. We tend not to sweat the small stuff as long as the bigger, more important (in our perspective) items are covered. When it comes to weddings, and especially for the guys, that might mean.... who, what, when, where, what time... do I have something to wear??

Ok, maybe that's extreme, but truly this type of gal doesn't need tons of detailed connections to have a special day. And that is precious in lots of ways. All she needs is the love of her man, and the rest will take care of itself.

In so many ways, this is a great perspective to have. She doesn't get bogged down in the small stuff that a more detailed-organizer-type-gal might tend to. But the truth is, a wedding has LOTS of details to iron out, and in order to have a smooth and restful environment on the day of the wedding, it's important to have a detail gal in your hip pocket to help you consider all the things you might never even think of on your own. She will be invaluable to you, if she has the heart to hear your vision on the big picture.

She will help you think through, step by step, all the details that need to be decided upon so that your hearts as a couple can be expressed in every aspect of your wedding celebration: from invitations, to the ceremony, to the reception and beyond. Maybe for you, that means hiring a wedding planner. Maybe it means to have an organizer or personal assistant to be with you the day of the ceremony. Maybe it means your Maid of Honor fills in the gaps. Regardless of how you do it, find someone with strengths that are different than yours. You'll be so glad you did!

And this holds true if you are the detail gal too. If you tend to see 1001 details that are all amazing and precious, and they all melt your heart, and you want every part of them incorporated into your special day, find a friend that is a global thinker. A practical gal that will help keep you from obsessing on things that can actually rob you of the greater purpose of your wedding day. And if you are the detail-oriented bride, sit up tall when we talk about Delegation. (You may need a "Mini You" to help execute all the special things your are envisioning!)

Communication

The season in which your wedding is being planned can be long or short, but either way, communication throughout the journey is key to ensuring the smoothest and most joyful experience on the day of your wedding.

Early on, discuss candidly with your fiance what is most important to each of you about the ceremony, and what areas don't matter quite so much. Hopefully, you will be on the same page from the start, but if not, just start with the "biggies" that you both agree upon, and then work through the rest, one area at a time, until you are sure that you are both in full agreement. Make sure that neither of you feels unheard or less valuable. If you haven't agreed upon something, then don't move forward with planning that area until you do agree. This season is great opportunity to develop and nurture honor and respect for one another as a couple. Those qualities are truly foundational to healthy marriages. Keeping that goal of unity before your heart and eyes during this season will bear good fruit for you on your wedding day and far beyond!

Now it's time to communicate with your wedding vendors. Venue managers, wedding planners, caterers, florists, photographers, and DJs will all have a wealth of professional experience to draw upon. Drafting realistic timelines are critical to a smooth and peaceful flow on the day of your wedding, and each section of the celebration will have a natural sequence. This is a service many photographers provide, myself included. You should also be sure to enable communication between vendors as necessary so they can coordinate and streamline the day according to your wishes. My personal caveat: Always hold precious the true purpose of the day, and honor the time of your special guests that have come to share this day with you. Keep it before your eyes at all times when planning your special celebration.

Once you and your fiance have agreed upon an area, it's time to communicate with those near and dear to you what your wishes are. This may be one of your first tests as a couple. Oftentimes well-meaning friends and family members have very specific ideas about how things should be. [See, while you were on the playground having little ceremonies with juice can rings, your mothers were at home dreaming too!] Sometimes it's harder for others to let go of their dreams for us, than it is for us to adjust our own to fit the reality of our new life with our future spouses. I encourage you to stand firm but kind if your vision and theirs don't exactly mesh. Just love them. And be uniquely you.

Delegation

So this is where it gets fun!

You are united in your vision. You have communicated with family and friends and vendors, and now it's time to bring that special vision to reality. In other words... it's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work!

Well, that may not be your style, exactly. Maybe you aren't a DIY kinda gal. And that's okay! Because how nitty-gritty your role is will depend on lots of things: your PERSONALITY, your EXPERIENCE in event planning and preparation, your "crafty" or "creative" ABILITIES, your BUDGET (oh dear, we didn't even mention that, but it actually falls under both of the first two sections!) and ... how much TIME you have in your life to give to hands-on wedding preparations. This is where that "Detail Gal" meets "Global Thinker" and they have a few planning sessions with To-Do lists and deadlines that give you as the bride a real sense of peace. Once the plan is in place, assign a person or a vendor to oversee each step. (The person may be you, or someone else.) And then take it one step at a time!

Make sure that someone in your life... a professional planner, your Maid of Honor, yourself - if you realistically have the time... is responsible to touch base with those folks you have delegated things to on a periodic basis. Reach to vendors a month prior to the wedding and make sure they have everything they need from you. As a photographer, I touch base with my couples on a few different occasions leading up to the day of the wedding. In this way, we all know we are on the same page and unified in our goals and vision for the events of the day.

If you are not peronally overseeing the details, then meet with your "person" that is handling that for you on a regular basis, for coffee or tea, and just touch base. Make sure things are progressing, and then keep moving forward. In other words, communicate. Again. And Again. :)

Relaxation

I remember when I was getting married a long time ago... (We did have running water, in case you wondered.) I had a very close friend that gave me some incredibly valuable advice. She said, "Tina, get everything done that you personally have to do by at least noon the day before the wedding. Whatever isn't done, give it to me, or delegate it to someone else, and then just walk away." She encouraged me to spend my last afternoon of singleness in quietness and peace, and prepare my heart for the commitment I was going to make the next day. I did that. I followed her advice, and though not everyone around me understood why, I did it anyway. That evening was the rehearsal, the dinner, and all the fun with family and friends that comes with the territory! But the next morning, as I was preparing to walk down the aisle, there was no last minute stress and fret, my heart was quiet, and everything was in order...I was ready.

More recently, I observed a young engaged couple incorporate one day a week (maybe it was just one date a week?) where they didn't discuss anything related to the wedding. Granted, their engagement was shorter than many, so it seemed that every day needed to be productive in all of the areas of wedding planning and home preparation. But even given the shorter timeline, they chose to consistently focus on the relationship and not the event. Pretty wise I would say, especially for a young couple. I saw the fruit of it on the day of their wedding, too. They were relaxed and happy, and somehow all the details happened anyway. Without wedding day stress! Hmmm... It's something to think about.

Whether you adopt either of these ideas into your pre-wedding preparation or not, the idea of taking time to reflect on the heart of the matter will always be worth it in the end. In today's fast-paced world, it almost seems naughty to make time to be quiet. It is not.

Don't allow the preparations to trump the promises.